Ako naman, Nanay

Joyce Ann Olindo in Ang Pinoy Stories

Jun 10, 2020 • 2 min Read

One of the most difficult feelings is the realization that someone you love cannot even remember you. She talks to you, asks you a lot of questions, and who is with you every day but she cannot even recall your name.  

Whenever I am with her, I always recall the great fast food commercial of Karen and her Lolo. It is almost the same except that my Nanay is mentioning my cousins’ names but mine.

I do not bother asking her my name. I do not want that pinch of envy nor burden her memory. She is 87 years old, her left eye is cloudy because of cataract surgery, fit enough to walk, but has Alzheimer’s disease. She originally lives in Bicol but our titos and titas can no longer take care of her for some reasons.

Since then, we share one bed, I care for her by assisting her in going to the comfort room, in taking her bath, feed her when she is hungry, medicate her sores and pains, and provide answers to all her questions.

I will be honest. Sometimes, I get tired and ask myself, “Why am I the one who is always taking care of her? She does not even remember me!” It makes me cry. I ask God endlessly why am I the one who has to take care of her.

One day, while sharing meals with Nanay in silence, she suddenly asked in the vernacular, ‘ubakan ko ining batag para saimo?’ (Do you want me to peel the banana for you?) I cried. I remember all the things she has done for me when I was a child. She left her job in Bicol for a year just to watch over me. I slept in her bed. She spoons fed me, assist me in all the things that I need. She bathed me. She answered all my questions. I am sure she never complained about taking care of me.

Guilt. I was selfish. I cried. God did not only answered my question. He taught me to love.

I am no longer bothered if Nanay cannot remember my name because I will always remember the kindness and love that she taught me. I will take care of her just how she cares for us. She may not understand this anymore but I say ‘Ako naman Nanay’ (It’s my turn Nanay)