It’s not YOU, it’s them

Iris Palma in Tips and Advices

Aug 27, 2020 • 1 min Read

KUNG AKO IKAW: Mga Payo ni Manày

It’s not YOU, it’s them | Paano napunta sa kaniya ang usapan?

Filipinos have this peculiarity when talking to each other. Example:

Marta: Ang sakit ng ulo ko…

Petra:  Ang sakit nga ng ulo ko e. Uminom na ako ng gamut pero hindi pa rin naaalis. Parang gusto ko na ngang bumulagta sa sakit.

Duh. Paano napunta kay Petra ang usapan?

Ay, Petra. Can you respond nicely to Marta first before telling her what you feel? This is what you call respect. You are acknowledging that Marta has a headache. You are acknowledging that she is not feeling well. What can you advise her? Do you have an oil to share with her to alleviate the pain?

Life is not about “Mas magaling ang lolo ko!” all the time.

Learn to empathize. Learn to listen. After Marta has said her piece, then you can shift the focus of the talk to you. Only then can you respond with what you feel. May oras para sa yo, Petra. Wait for it. 

Manày is the quintessential contemporary Tita with a heart of gold, a conscience of a nun (should that be ‘none?’), the drive of a teenager, and the language of one who has lived long enough to see both sides of the coin. Her words may hurt you, but they are expressed for your own good. Tough love and kindness are difficult to balance. So go ahead. Ask at your own risk.