Today I got angry…

Kai Alfonso in Tips and Advices

May 18, 2020 • 4 min Read

I saw a Facebook post by a male colleague on his wall. It showed a picture of a naked woman’s chest with one nipple exposed and a drinking straw edited on the nipple and a face of a man taking a sip on the straw. It was captioned, “Since there is a liqueur ban, drink for good health.”

This is my private message to him:

This is to inform you how disappointed and hurt I am with your post.

This may come as funny to most people but to use us women to bring out your point is both demeaning and disrespectful. I hope your mother, wife and daughter will not feel the same.

Your profile picture shows us your love for Christ but your post shows us otherwise. Christ will never shame any woman for that matter.

I know your FB is your personal area but it doesn’t mean an area free enough of wise reasoning and an avenue to become devoid of decency.

Also this is to tell you I am unfriending you. A friend is someone deserving of respect.

Actually, this is the second time I talked to him regarding his post. I forgot about the first scenario but I called him and pointed out to him that his post bothered me. He promised to take down the post.

I’ve known this man and respected him, but sometimes what he wanted me to see him eventually gets derailed by showing what is deep inside him. I cannot just step aside or turn a blind eye; after all I am his friend. I did not judge him whether he is right or wrong but I reacted based on my true feelings seeing his post. As a woman, I feel offended.

I have a staff who is openly gay and his expression is “ay puke” (a woman’s genitals). Whenever he is startled, he would blurt out this line that would elicit laughter from the other staff who are mostly women. Sometimes he even gets motivated and would add something like “ay pukeng malaki” (a big woman’s genitals).

One time we went home together as he is my neighbour. We are standing together inside an overloaded bus while watching the bus assistant inched his way towards us to get our fare. Suddenly the bus driver hit the brakes and the bus assistant accidentally hit him with his ticket machine. My neighbour shouted “ay puke!” While everyone laughed, I stayed silent.

When everything hushed, I talked to him. I asked him if he like that people laugh at his expression or does he do it intentionally to make them laugh, he said “no.” Do you know as a woman I get offended by your expression? You may not know it because most women in the office just laugh it off, but for me it’s like making fun of my body. I get offended and felt disrespected and I cringe every time I hear it.

He said sorry. I told him to stop. I told him I will not utter “ay boto” (a man’s genital) because I respect and love my father, my brothers and my son, nor will I ever utter the words “putang ina mo” even when I get hurt or provoked. It’s just not in my system. I could never malign somebody else’s mother just because I’m angry.

As they say, a habit makes character. It’s not just being good or being pleasant. It’s part and parcel of living. It’s respect.

After that talk on the bus, I never heard him say expressions like that anymore. Knowing somebody is offended, he stopped. I did not point out his bad, I directed him towards my hurt and knowing how caring he is as a person, he just stopped.

People always say this is a free country. We have worked so hard for our freedom. I agree. But even in this free world we are in, there is a place for care, for kindness, for others.

And I believe in this place you cannot just stomp your feet and trample freely unless I would allow it for I will also make my stand as a person, as a woman. And in my own way I would tell you to stop. It hurts me, I get offended, it’s not funny, I get embarrassed. Stop.

And this too is my right.